You lived alone inside my heart
Known well to none but me.
And when you died the world was still,
And changed for only me.
I performed a private service then,
And kept a lonely wake.
I dressed in black to mourn your death;
Alone I dug your grave.
I locked your gilded casket tight,
Piled high with silk and lace.
I buried you under misty thoughts,
But your spirit still remains.
Therese Kuczynski won second place in a writing contest in early elementary school, and hasn’t stopped writing since. She studies nursing in Ohio, but she does most of her writing at her home in New England during breaks. One of her humorous poems has appeared in Word Riot, and she is extremely thankful for her small circle of friends who stand by her writing and provide encouragement.
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Posted on June 27, 2009 in Literary
8 Responses to “ELEGY OF A DREAM • by Therese Kuczynski”
Comments
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June 27th, 2009 at 12:40 am
This poem fails to convey strength of emotion
The first four lines have a specific meter and rhythm, which then becomes erratic.
Perhaps a freer verse form would suit this poem’s subject matter.
June 27th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Agree with Paul. The meter veers off and takes me with it.
June 27th, 2009 at 8:14 am
This poem is so feelingly written that I have a heartache upon reading it. It’s soft breath is tightly held together by the woven basket of rhythm and slant rhyme. Excellent poem.
June 27th, 2009 at 8:59 am
The poet achieves the goal by choosing approptiate rhythm.
So true and sad, example
of what happens to failed dreams inside us still inspires to
dream.
June 27th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I can’t add anything new; agree with what everybody has said before me. Thank you Therese for this little gem!
June 28th, 2009 at 2:45 am
Reminds me very much of what Emily Dickinson used to do, and for that reason alone, this is a very noble effort.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:15 am
Beautiful and haunting. The slight rhymes work wonderfully, as nothing seems forced (except for ‘then’ in ln. 5… it also breaks the syllable count early, so maybe reconsider just that word… though as is it’s definitely more aesthetically pleasing than it would be removed). Handles its theme masterfully, as the message and sadness and inability to let go comes across clearly and achingly so.
March 12th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
I love what this poem is and what it could be. Thanks for workshopping it here.
I think that the poem has more than one style right now.
Your best strength is plain speech. For example,the first 8 lines. The last lines are coloured by “gilded”, and “misty”.
You have all the power you will ever need without those otherworldly adjectives.
I liked your poem very much as it is. Sincerely and respectfully, Paul