A slightly different tower sits atop a hill.
Visitors were common, but never stayed longer than an hour,
like flour in a mill –
uselessly, grinding its way through endless black,
that ages stack.
The tower leans in the wind,
resting, reclining on the clouds,
seen by only those who have sinned,
cloaked in a heavy, sleepless shroud.
They file at the door.
‘Repent for your sins’
The door swings and stores.
All pass through: all let in.
Find your exit.
Find your entrance.
Run.
Dawn waits.
A tower stands.
When untruthful silence breaks,
the leader makes unjust commands.
A Quantum Mechanic… is under the age of sixteen and finds herself increasingly fond of Sunday roast on Fridays. This is the first time she’s had anything published.
GD Star Rating
loading...
loading...
Posted on June 6, 2009 in Other
7 Responses to “FOUNDATIONS • by A Quantum Mechanic”
Comments
« BAILOUT • by David Oestreich | Home | SHADED WORDS • by Rebecca Colby »
June 6th, 2009 at 9:33 am
It’s a little choppy and rough around the edges (to me), Quantum Mech, but congrats to you on your first publication — and so young, too! Keep writing.
June 6th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I just love the first three lines! This is really thought-provoking; write on!
June 6th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Not quite sure about the identity of either the tower or the unjust leader, but I think this is a pretty darn good for someone not yet even 16!
June 6th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Brilliant! I am giving this a five. The poem is mysterious, surreal and imaginative. This is a ‘pull’ poem – pulling you into the poem and forcing you to re-read it multiple times to get the meaning. The poem lingers in your mind long after you read it. Well done!
June 6th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
I would have titled this poem simply, ‘A Tower’ or ‘The Tower’ or some variation of that to add to the mystery. And I believe it should be “Repent of your sins.” Other than that, this poem is a masterpiece. Again, well done!
June 7th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
And we have another poem from this writer next month. Well done!
June 10th, 2009 at 4:01 am
I enjoyed this. Using that loosely-formed couplet at the end really works for me. Nice work.