Pale
petals
lily white
striped with purple
yesterday flowering
in a glorious bloom
an essence of innocence
overnight ravished and faded
raintorn from its stalk and huddled now
like a dead bird fallen down to dark earth.
American born and raised, Robin V. Herrnfeld has spent most of her adult life in Germany. Always an avid reader and interested in writing, she has started writing short fiction herself. Most recently she has been trying her hand at poetry.
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19 Responses to “LILY (AN ETHEREE) • by Robin V. Herrnfeld”
Comments
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April 3rd, 2009 at 4:15 am
I love the transition from beautiful to brutalized.
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:17 am
Very visual and quite poignant. Beautiful form!
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:45 am
Beautiful and sad.
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:55 am
This form is perfect for the span of a lily blossom…it even looks like an upside-down lily on the page, an accidental bonus!
April 3rd, 2009 at 7:12 am
I really like this, Robin. Perfect spring poem!
April 3rd, 2009 at 7:55 am
Why bring in birds when it’s a flower that has fallen to earth? The lengthening of the lines works well as the plant flourishes, but I think that if the lines beginning at “overnight ravished and faded” began retracting all the lines would work better. I think that if the last three lines were re-worked it would be a good and memorable poem.
April 3rd, 2009 at 7:56 am
What I love so much about this is the wistful finality in the tone of that final line. That is a difficult thing to bring to fruition in such a short and precise form as the etheree. Perfectly executed piece, Robin!
April 3rd, 2009 at 8:23 am
Many thanks for your kind comments.
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:59 am
I’m not sure I understand the complaint of “why bring in a bird when it’s a flower …”
I mean, if POETS can’t use similes, who the heck CAN?
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:35 am
This lovely, poignant piece couldn’t be improved. The bird simile depicting the shared fragility of all creation is powerful.
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:58 am
Picturesque.
–dj
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Quite beautiful.
Cheers
Mark
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Devastating, Robin! From fresh bloom to withered flower – expertly rendered – the brutal, yet beautiful cycle – well done!
April 4th, 2009 at 2:17 am
This poem literally rises to a crescendo; good work!
April 4th, 2009 at 2:36 am
Lovely poem Robin
April 4th, 2009 at 4:10 am
Thanks so much for all those wonderful comments. I’m happy my simile and the etheree form seemed to work.
April 4th, 2009 at 4:15 am
Steve – Maybe I should give it more thought. Most flowers fade softly, but this one fell clunk as a bird might, in a huddle with others – probably robins because robins are colorful like flowers. Good to know that dead things can huddle ( confer with others.) A poem of great hope.
April 4th, 2009 at 6:36 am
There is beautiful economy in these lines. Each word well chosen. I love “overnight ravished and faded” and the way it demonstrates the brevity of beauty, life.
May 16th, 2011 at 10:13 am
Nicely done . . . I can see the pedals falling as summer comes too quickly for blooms stretching, reaching for life but only to fall as their time is about to pass.