Samantha liked to stuff her face,
She’d eat at a tremendous pace
And didn’t ever think it rude
To talk while gobbling down her food.
She’d shovel meals in with a spade,
Unmindful of the mess it made.
She didn’t taste a single bite,
Which others found most impolite.
One day her eating ways abhorred
None other than a high-born lord.
Although he didn’t like her style,
She had a most seductive smile;
And while her manners made him sick,
Her beauty made his heart beat quick.
And so with patience and with pain,
This lord began a long campaign;
He taught her grace and etiquette,
And scolded her when she’d forget
To chew each mouthful fifty times,
Repenting of her eating crimes.
He wouldn’t let her gulp her drinks,
Or swallow whole her sausage links.
He forced the woman that he wooed
To take small bites and savour food.
In time Samantha learned to eat
With manners of a true elite.
When sipping tea she was aware
To lift her pinky in the air;
No longer would she slurp it down
And make her dinner partners frown.
She kept her mouth shut when she dined
And soon her manners were refined.
The lord was pleased with how she ate,
So on the night of their twelfth date
He gave to her a diamond ring,
Insisting that they wed that spring.
Samantha didn’t dare protest
While chewing up her chicken breast;
And by the time that she could speak,
They had been married for a week.
And if she wasn’t chewing now,
This is what you’d hear her vow:
Be careful how you eat or you
Just might become a lady too!
Rebecca Colby likes the idea of being a writer but doesn’t put pen to paper as often as she should. She travelled the world as a tour director before settling in England — a country where she knew the weather would force her inside to write.
18 Responses to “SAMANTHA • by Rebecca Colby”
Comments
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July 6th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Fantastic! Five from me.
One grumble however. The third from last line only has seven syllables, not eight like the rest of the poem.
How about something like ‘These words are what you’d hear her vow’, instead?
July 6th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Very cute, Rebecca. Made me smile.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:00 am
This was fun!
July 6th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Samantha, at the start, was a really delightfully likeable kid, and the lord didn’t ruin her much. But since conversation is the highlight of elegant dinners, I think the “lord” is a ladder-climbing imposter.
Good fun poem.
Paul –
The colon acts as a pause equal to stress.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Clever, clever, clever! The 7-syllable line did not stumble me, as my brain automatically went to a beat break after the comma at the end of the previous line. I would have liked a more imaginative title, however. Can’t feel too bad for Samantha, as she now can well afford her goodies. Thanks for the Monday smile!
July 6th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Roberta -
I’m afraid you’re wrong – the colon does NOT act as a pause equal to stress.
In fact the problem with that line is that it begins with rising intonation, whereas every other line has rising intonation on the second syllable.
Maybe we should wait and hear what Rebecca thinks, though.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Paul Freeman –
For me, there is a long pause after “:” For me, this particular colon, in this particular place gives a long pause. Other colons, in other positions in other poems do not necessarily oblige in the same way. A comma would not signal so much of a break. For you, “Be” on the next line rushes forward quickly. For me, “Be” waits for the full length of the pause to hold on to the rhythm as a silent stress, then continuing with the thought of the line. It’s a matter of timing.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Roberta -
This is poetry with rhyme, and meter and rising and falling intonation. Your talk about commas and semi-colons and full stops is therefore irrelevant! That’s the realm of free verse.
Are we ‘cooking’ now?
July 6th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
How fun.
July 6th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Okay! That’s enough fun.
But getting back to what matters, Rebecca’s poem is a gem!
July 6th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Super poem. Reminded me a little of Hilaire Belloc’s Cautionary Tales.
Paul’s absolutely correct about that third to last line. To keep the iambic tetrameter intact, you could use his suggestion, or simply try, ‘Then this is what you’d hear her vow:’
July 6th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Oh I loved this. Loved this! Loved this! Five of course. Many thanks, and am forwarding this poem to my daughter and pals!
July 7th, 2009 at 3:23 am
Rebecca is a favorite of mine, but I do agree about the title. It needs some work. Enlarge on this and it would make a nice picture book.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Paul – I’m cooking; you’ll have to answer for yourself.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:21 am
I feel sorry for poor Samantha, being so young and falling into the wrong hands. Too bad he didn’t allow her to keep her enthusiastic “talk while gobbling down her food.”
July 7th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Thanks for all the kind comments! I enjoyed writing this poem.
My husband has told me on numerous occasions that I have no ear for meter so I set out to prove him wrong by writing a couple of cautionary poems in the style of Hilaire Belloc (as recognized by Cathy). Neither my bad ear, nor his so-called good one, noticed the 7-syllable mistake in this poem.
Thanks again,
Rebecca
July 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am
How great.You are really talented.This poem would make a great children’s book!
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Some crtics have brought to mind Pentamiter, although as reader I’m an amature….I thought this poem had full diameter…Loved it….keep writing Samatha you make be smile…delightful, well done EdR