Comments on: SKYWARD • by J.D. Di Lella

By: Joseph

Joseph — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:21:27 +0000

Friends:

Yes, those particular words should be deleted to make this poem stronger, tighter.

Glad you folks enjoyed the work . . .

Thanks for the suggestions,

Joseph

By: Roberta Roy

Roberta Roy — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 03:38:05 +0000

P.S. I forgot to mention that I really like the poem and the affection portrayed for the serenity and meditative qualities of the nightly skies.

By: Roberta Roy

Roberta Roy — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 03:35:19 +0000

I followed Dennis’s suggestions and the poem flows really well for me with these revisions. What do you think, J.D.?

By: Amy Corbin

Amy Corbin — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:26:33 +0000

Very nice, J.D. Dennis made a good suggestion.

By: dj barber

dj barber — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:38:12 +0000

A nice vision of the nightly heavenlies.

–dj

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:37:57 +0000

Good question, J. D.

By: Jenean

Jenean — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:57:52 +0000

It’s a good poem. I get the sense of yearning for the heavens while forced to live in the profane world of the here and now.But then again, our lives are constellaitons, not of stars, but of people and dreams.

By: Dennis Misurell

Dennis Misurell — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 11:18:33 +0000

Agree with Paul completely. Some terrific ideas and turns of phrase in this poem.

J.D. – What happens for you if the words “but the” and “perhaps” are removed from the 2nd stanza? Do you get your all of your intended meanings? It’s only a suggestion to address Paul’s comments about the poem. I agree with the substance of his comment about it, but it is a fleck on a good apple.

By: Paul

Paul — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 07:15:58 +0000

Some great turns of phrase in this poem.

As an amateur astronomer, I liked it.

The second stanza felt a bit unwieldy. Perhaps brackets betwee ‘constellations’ and ‘ago’ would make it clearer.