Flailing
waves dance with her,
a smashing rag-doll jig –
surrendering, she slips down to
stillness.
Paul Ingrassia is a leftover eighties metal-head hippie from New York with a passion for reading and writing short poetry and flash fiction. He was nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2006 for his cinquain poem Adelaide Crapsey. His poetry, fiction, and/or articles have appeared in Amaze, Sketchbook, Necrotic Tissue, Flashshot, Mirror of Isis, and a variety of other print and web publications. He fantasizes that one day he will earn a living with his writing.
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9 Responses to “WASHED OVERBOARD • by Paul Ingrassia”
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May 14th, 2009 at 3:36 am
Short and sweet and full of imagery.
I was wondering about the word ’smashing’, though.
Perhaps ‘gyrating’ or a similar word would suggest uncontolable movement better. Or if you wanted to retain the ’s’ sound at the beginning of the word, ‘ surreal’ could do.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Excellent poem of a very alarming event. I think the evoked emotions could be even stronger if the words in “she slips down to stillness” were on three descending lines after “surrendering,” the pacing emphasizing the horrifying descent.
The word “smashing” describing the ocean’s smashing waves on the wave-tossed girl is effective and I actually held my breath and stared after the word “stillness.” Much emotion packed into a tiny poem.
May 14th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Well done! Gave me the shivers.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:47 am
“Smashing” was the perfect word choice. Thumbs up.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Since you changed the word “smashing” to “flailing” I’ll bother to tell you “flailing” works just as well, but it the poem’s not so horrifying as it was. Since she is still flailing and not being smashed there is still time to save her. I hope in this case she “surrenders” to a genuine rescuer and is not intent on holding on to her rag doll. It is still somewhat horrifying because of the word “stillness.”
May 14th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
A frightening moment, well told.
–dj
May 15th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Horrific! Excellent snapshot which lingers on one’s mind. Great short poem.
May 15th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Well done!
May 21st, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Thanks to everyone for the votes and comments, they are very much appreciated!