Comments on: WASHED OVERBOARD • by Paul Ingrassia http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/ Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:05:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Paul Ingrassia http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2422 Paul Ingrassia Fri, 22 May 2009 02:13:28 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2422 Thanks to everyone for the votes and comments, they are very much appreciated! Thanks to everyone for the votes and comments, they are very much appreciated!

]]> By: Amy Corbin http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2357 Amy Corbin Fri, 15 May 2009 13:26:59 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2357 Well done! Well done!

]]> By: Joan http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2353 Joan Fri, 15 May 2009 07:44:51 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2353 Horrific! Excellent snapshot which lingers on one's mind. Great short poem. Horrific! Excellent snapshot which lingers on one’s mind. Great short poem.

]]> By: dj barber http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2351 dj barber Thu, 14 May 2009 20:01:15 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2351 A frightening moment, well told. --dj A frightening moment, well told.

–dj

]]> By: Roberta SchulbergGoro http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2350 Roberta SchulbergGoro Thu, 14 May 2009 18:05:25 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2350 Since you changed the word "smashing" to "flailing" I'll bother to tell you "flailing" works just as well, but it the poem's not so horrifying as it was. Since she is still flailing and not being smashed there is still time to save her. I hope in this case she "surrenders" to a genuine rescuer and is not intent on holding on to her rag doll. It is still somewhat horrifying because of the word "stillness." Since you changed the word “smashing” to “flailing” I’ll bother to tell you “flailing” works just as well, but it the poem’s not so horrifying as it was. Since she is still flailing and not being smashed there is still time to save her. I hope in this case she “surrenders” to a genuine rescuer and is not intent on holding on to her rag doll. It is still somewhat horrifying because of the word “stillness.”

]]> By: Sharon http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2349 Sharon Thu, 14 May 2009 15:47:40 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2349 "Smashing" was the perfect word choice. Thumbs up. “Smashing” was the perfect word choice. Thumbs up.

]]> By: Kathleen Cassen Mickelson http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2348 Kathleen Cassen Mickelson Thu, 14 May 2009 14:16:59 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2348 Well done! Gave me the shivers. Well done! Gave me the shivers.

]]> By: Roberta SchulbergGoro http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2347 Roberta SchulbergGoro Thu, 14 May 2009 12:26:31 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2347 Excellent poem of a very alarming event. I think the evoked emotions could be even stronger if the words in "she slips down to stillness" were on three descending lines after "surrendering," the pacing emphasizing the horrifying descent. The word "smashing" describing the ocean's smashing waves on the wave-tossed girl is effective and I actually held my breath and stared after the word "stillness." Much emotion packed into a tiny poem. Excellent poem of a very alarming event. I think the evoked emotions could be even stronger if the words in “she slips down to stillness” were on three descending lines after “surrendering,” the pacing emphasizing the horrifying descent.
The word “smashing” describing the ocean’s smashing waves on the wave-tossed girl is effective and I actually held my breath and stared after the word “stillness.” Much emotion packed into a tiny poem.

]]> By: Paul http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/comment-page-1/#comment-2346 Paul Thu, 14 May 2009 10:36:58 +0000 http://www.everydaypoets.com/washed-overboard-by-paul-ingrassia/#comment-2346 Short and sweet and full of imagery. I was wondering about the word 'smashing', though. Perhaps 'gyrating' or a similar word would suggest uncontolable movement better. Or if you wanted to retain the 's' sound at the beginning of the word, ' surreal' could do. Short and sweet and full of imagery.

I was wondering about the word ’smashing’, though.

Perhaps ‘gyrating’ or a similar word would suggest uncontolable movement better. Or if you wanted to retain the ’s’ sound at the beginning of the word, ‘ surreal’ could do.

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